I've been contemplating the wealth of information available to us as moms. Blogs, Pinterest, Facebook, online magazines and newspapers. Then today I saw this Similac ad. http://similac.com/sisterhood-of-motherhood It so perfectly sums up the Mommy Wars.
Information comes at us from all directions. Every piece of info claims they are right! Breastfeed. Bottle feed. Co-sleep. Sleep in a crib. Cry it out. Baby wearing. Vaccines or not? Cloth diapers or disposable. And it doesn't end as the babies grow up. Public School. Private school. Homeschool. Sports. Arts. Music lessons. Free range kids. Stranger Danger. Screen Time. Video Games. Books. It never ends.
This can all get so confusing and create a lot of division between us. When someone doesn't conform to OUR idea of the right way to raise a child, we alienate and judge. I have a few thoughts to end this craziness.
1. Do whatever the hell you want.
Yes, that's right. Put your fingers in your ears and refuse to listen to the madness. You have an amazing gift called intuition. And when you become a mom, your "mommy gut" gets stronger.
Here's the thing. No one else can be your kids' mom. Think about that and let it sink in. YOU are the only person who can be your kids' mom. Many people can and will help, but YOU are the mommy. Therefore, do what feels right to you as a mom. Trust your God-given instincts.
You may be sleep deprived and frazzled and confused, but please mommies, for the love of god, stop wearing yourself out to be someone else's idea of the perfect mom.
If you want to breastfeel and it goes well, go for it. But you are not a failure if you give your child a bottle. You may record and post a beautiful, natural home water birth on YouTube. Or you may get to your third child, like me, and check yourself into the hospital and demand an epidural immediately.
That's ok. Really. Relax. Unless you're some pyscho, in which case you wouldn't even be reading this, do what comes naturally to you as a mom. Trust your mom gut. You are a great mom!!!
2. You will never raise all your children in the same way; the best laid plans go awry.
For some reason we get this idea that our parenting must look like something out of a book. Straight off a Pinterest board.
"I will have a home birth and then breastfeed until my child is 3. I will only feed them natural, organic food. Then I will attend Mommy and Me classes until they enroll in an excellent charter school. On the week ends we will do ballet and baseball. Before every holiday I will make Pinterest worthy crafts with my kids. They will take honors courses in high school and attend my alma mater on a football scholarship."
I mean, hey if it works out that way, GREAT! But every kid is different and you will encounter many different seasons of life along the way. Life will throw you curve balls and laugh at your perfectly laid plans.
That's o.k.
One friend of mine loves to run and she loves sports. Her boys play lots of sports. They run races with their mom. And she is a fantastic mom!!!
My sister is a fitness guru. She competes. She and her daughter go to the gym together and eat healthy together. As a single mom, she's mommy and daddy. And she is the strongest, toughest, best mom I've met!!
My co-worker has two kids with Asbergers. She feeds them a lot of organic foods to help the symptoms and takes them to the chiropractor instead of a medical doctor. She is a fun, laid back mom whose children know without a doubt their Mom loves them!!!
I have had three kids. One is all grown up, and the other two are teenagers/preteen. I have breast fed and bottle fed my babies. I've used Gerber baby food and made my own from my organic garden. My kids have been to public school. And private school. And were homeschooled. One was a skier and we spent hours at ski hills. Another sings; I'm a Chorus mom. I've co-slept and had babies sleep in cribs in another room. I've been a stay at home mom and a full time working mom. I am the best mom my kids will ever have!
The point is, they are all amazing kids! Life happens. I was very sick during pregnancy and when my kids were little. I didn't plan that, but it forced my kids to become self reliant. So much for my visions of being the perfect mom Hard to do from your sick bed. I've had to tweak plans when one child was his own person and nothing I did before worked with him!
But, I've learned to drown out the chatter. I do what I believe is best for my kids. And they are happy and healthy and productive members of society.
You may raise your kiddoes completely different than me, and I bet your kids are happy and healthy and well on their way to being productive members of society.
The less we care about and play into the Mommy Wars, the better off we will be. And we facilitate peace between moms when we quit caring about being "right" and just concentrate on being the best mom to OUR kids.
You are a great mom, girlfriend. You are smart. And funny. And talented. And your kids are SO lucky to have you as their mom. Remember that.
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