I'm Back!

I've been away from blogging for awhile, and with a good reason. There is also a very good reason for my blog's new title. Molly: Unedited. For my entire adult life I have lived with an editor in my life. An editor who said he loved my personality, but really didn't. Who edited everything I said and did.

Before I posted on Facebook, my editor checked to make sure my words met with his approval. My blog posts were only sort of my words. They had to pass through my editor first, to make sure they didn't offend him or anyone else. My editor edited my life; making sure I didn't have a job outside the home. He edited my wardrobe, my friends, my interests, my reading material, my music, how much time I spent with my family. When we were in public, my editor would often squeeze my knee painfully to remind me to shut my mouth. There were other more painful, private "edits" I have only shared with one or two close friends who love me dearly.

There's a word for this kind of lifestyle editing. And the more we refuse to accept this editing in our lives and speak about it, maybe the less it will happen. The word? Domestic Abuse.

I have former friends who have argued with me about this. "Friends" who I guess would have been happier if I could have shown them a black eye or a broken arm. Sorry to disappoint them. Sorry they couldn't see my silent screams, my sleepless nights, my tears of agony, my suicidal thoughts.

Along the way I made some very bad mistakes in my fear and desperation. But I eventually found the courage to reach out to my true friends and my family. And though it took more than six tries; tries that my editor stopped and thwarted, I eventually escaped. And yes, it was an escape, in the fullest sense of the word.

I am now free. Free to live unedited. Free to be the Molly I was always created to be. The Molly that was always inside of me trying to get out. Free to be happy. Free to be anything I want to be.

Welcome back to life, Molly.